Stressed

*A sketch I did of our sleeping cat. Something I lack, sleep :O

Lately, I've been feeling so stressed, over the baby and just with my personal life. I'm not sure how new moms do it, but I certainly am having a hard time, to say the least. My personal life is also not great, I just keep fighting with Marco and we just can't seem to agree on anything.

Marriage is hard enough as is, without a baby. Now I feel so tired all the time attending to the baby, I can barely have any time to myself or our marriage. It is very helpful to have my mom and grandma come take care of the baby from time to time. However, when I need to take care of the baby, it's always non-stop and I can never feel like I'm doing enough.

It is also difficult to not compare yourself to the other moms. When I hear what other moms are doing this and that, I often feel like I'm not doing enough. There just isn't a lot of guidance and you are just suppose to google and read everything so you know as much as possible about taking care of a baby. The pressure for moms to be great at everything in such a short amount of time seem so unrealistic to me.

I know that M works hard at work and is trying his best. However, I feel trapped having to stay at home with D the whole day and to take care of him by myself all the time. Some moms are also dealing with multiple kids at home. I don't know how they do it. The society just puts too much pressure on moms and how they need to be at the top of their game at all times.

As I'm writing this, I'm simply trying to vent in a healthy way, through writing. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I can do. This life seems so crazy and I feel so alone in it.

I hope this all gets better and as D grows older, I will be able to have more free time to myself. I can't downplay the fact that I love D so so much and also can't be away from him for too long. I miss him so much whenever I'm not with him and he is my sweetheart. This is why I suspect that work will be difficult not being able to see him. Either way, there doesn't seem to be the perfect solution. It's a I can't do with him sometimes and I can't do without him all the time kind of situation. I never knew any boy can make me feel this way, haha.

Hope whoever is reading is having a great day. I really really need sleep but can't seem to fall asleep..so here I am.